Letter to my beloved Dad…
Things are happening. Really great things… I got a job. Nobody hooked me up, it was all me. I mean, I didn’t even apply, I was “outsourced”… I don’t know if the word existed in your time. All I know it’s a good thing because, it meant I had no competition. I have a good feeling about this year, we are well into the third month, like I said, and things are looking up.
I am slowly turning into that person I know you’d be proud of. I really wish you were here Dad. There’s so much I’d love to tell you, and I’d love to hear so much from you. Oh well, you ain’t here and it’s time I got used to it. I want you to know that I’ve made a number of friends that I plan to keep… these are the people that are going to help me through and may be with time, I’ll be in a position to return the favors I owe, they are plenty of those.
The other week, Rashida, my friend from school had an assignment. I was really flattered because I was the very first person she thought that could help her, and guess what daddy, I did! For the very first time, ok may be on the first time… Somebody thought I could help them and I was in a position to do so. I helped her meet someone important to help her with her research; she called me the other day and told me that she scored the best in that assignment. I felt like I’d just won a lottery! It is such a good feeling.
Matt called me to tell me that he misses me… I miss him too, so bad I can’t put it in words. I’ll have to say this again, long distance relationships are painful. Sometimes I feel I could use a hug, a very huge one. There are times when I need him to tell me, “Babe, you are doing great!” Of course, he does tell me, 8 hours later in my day or night depending on our time scale but it’s never the same as when he was here…
Then there are people that can’t believe I could be in a long distance relationship, asking me how much I could possibly trust him. I learnt not to listen to them because those people will always be there to discourage and “pump” negatives into hopeful souls.
Dad, I really wish you’d met him, he reminds me of you so much. When you left, it wasn’t great between mom and I but he insisted we patch things up. When I think about him, my heart “swells” and my stomach “summersaults”. Mom really loves him. Before she gave birth to Kris, Matt was the son she never had. Call me selfish but at first I wasn’t comfortable sharing him with anyone, let alone mom.
When he was here, he was my refuge and resting place. If things weren’t going as I wanted, he’s the person I’d run to. Shortly after he went, I went into a depression. I felt I didn’t have anyone to talk to and it was just I against the world. I cried every time he called, my emails were very long and very sad. He was clearly disappointed in me, for I was supposed to be a strong woman and there I was being a cry baby, it put a strain on us. He was really patient with me, always telling me how things will be better. Things have become better, Dad. Lately, when he calls I am so excited I feel like jumping up and down, so he goes, “Jeez, calm down Woman!” I am really happy now, Daddy. I feel like, I am the person I am because of him. He really believed in me when even I was lacking in faith. I haven’t reached my “happy place”, but I am definitely getting there and nothing is going to stop me.
I’ll write to you time to time because you’ll always be in my heart.
I love you. Always,