Lost without you, Dad…
I broke down the other day. It was too much. I was, oh Daddy I wished to God you were there. I know I don’t write as often as I should, but knowing that you won’t reply makes it so hard for me to write. I store all these emotions, all these feelings hoping, really hoping that one day I’ll sit down with you so I can tell you what’s going on in my life… Honestly, I thought I wouldn’t write to you ever again, well, until I broke down and I needed my Dad. I miss you so bad…
I told you about my new job, well to say it’s challenging will be quite an understatement. It’s not easy being a young beautiful corporate woman, (sigh) Ok, I know I make it look easy but it’s because you are on my mind, I want to make you proud Daddy. Pleasing you is my sole purpose in life.
In doing so, I find myself taking up so many responsibilities; so much is on my plate right now. It’s nice being busy, but sometimes I need to breathe, I need to step back and look at me…
The other day, while juggling two ringing phones, in one in each hand, laptop on one shoulder, purse on the other. Rushing to a meeting that I was late for; angry at myself for not being at the top of things, I slipped and fell. Everything I had fell in a different direction. I wanted to stay down, curl up and cry and hopefully, the ground open up and swallow me.
When I was on the ground, you were the first thing that came to my mind; I remembered my first day at school. You said I was the most beautiful girl ever in a “Kapele” uniform. I remembered that, on that same day, with all the excitement of finally going to school, I slipped and fell. I recall you coming down to your knee and getting your hanky out of the pocket to brush the dust away, you said I shouldn’t cry because I was a tough cookie. You hugged me little body, I breathed in your scent, Good Lord, Dad, how I miss you!
Well, I picked myself up, gathered my scattered things, with a constricted throat and stinging tears I called to reschedule my meeting. The bruise will scar, but it’ll always remind me that I am not superwoman. I can only do as much.
Sunday will be Fathers’ Day, that explains my dump mood as I won’t be able to spend the day with you and express how I truly love you and adore you. If you were here, I’d have made plans for a Father-Daughter Day, I’d probably have bought you the cologne that you love so much, a lunch date that would last hours as we would be talking about just about anything… what you’ve been up to, what’s been keeping me busy. There’s so much I need to tell you… There is this guy (giggles), there is this new guy Daddy.
Oh how I wish I could tell you! I miss you Daddy, I know I’ve said this like a thousand times, but I truly do. I will try not to be depressed about it because it helps me to think you are in a better place. You are on my mind, always. And you will always hold a special place in my heart because I love you. Happy Fathers’ Day , Dad. May Your Soul Rest In Eternal Peace.