I’ll save you the trouble and call myself an involuntary groupie. I like to think that I am well placed. My friends are stars. I know good people. It’s not my style to brag, neither is name dropping πŸ˜€

They complain to me a lot. They get too much couchie than they care for. They’ve always wondered why women are always so eager to dish out to the ‘stars’. I am eager to dish out why… This is what happens.

The hiphop artist will rhyme about his ‘good life’, how he runs shhh, how the country belongs to him, wear these fancy outfits, have bottles of expensive liquor in his music video… Most times, this artist portrays a bad boy image. Women are suckers for bad boys. I swear! They might not necessarily fall for his charms, they might just want to feel what it’s like to be around the star, enjoy the ‘good life’ and eventually unleash the couchie.

The R’nB/Soul star will croon while strumming at his guitar/playing the piano (very few can do this) pouringΒ  out his heart. The woman will let her imagination get the best of her, wonder how passionate he can get, if those fingers could cause tremors of some kind to her body… Then she will decide to just find out and get it out of her system. There will be so many women like her, waiting to, well, let it out f their system…

The dreadlocked reggae brother, with all his weed and Lord know what else, always seems lost. He’ll appear as someone who needs fixing . Women love to fix uummm men. Like Dr. Miria Matembe, to some women – a real man is the helpless one. She will want to help him in any way necessary.

People in the media portray glamour, power, sex and money, not to mention free entrance to all these fancy events and free booze. ALL the things women find “attractive”. If you are a man and you find yourself in the limelight, don’t be too surprised if you have to beat women off of you with sticks. You have the power to say no (to couchie), after all, you are powerful.Β  However, if you find yourself helpless, always remember to keep it safe. There are so many stars out in the universe πŸ˜‰

34 Thoughts to “Sleeping With The Stars”

  1. a real man is the helpless one. hahahaha! Such words get women into trouble! Always a nice read, short, precise, fun!

  2. Thank you Kuzicc πŸ™‚

  3. This right here has just made my day olive. Say No to couchie – No man EVER. πŸ™‚

    1. Hehehehe thank you πŸ™‚

  4. Kiyemba ironik


    hope one day i will get a groupie

    1. πŸ˜€ You will. And you’ll start beating them off of you, saying ‘No to Couchie’

    2. hahaha. Pal. Quit wishing for groupies. They’re lotsa things that could go wrong with having one.

      1. He just hasn’t experienced it yet…

  5. sam

    Very very interesting read keep up da gud work. simply enjoyable

    1. Thank you Sam. Please come again πŸ™‚

  6. Moha

    I move to defend the dreadlocked Rastaman. He doesn’t seem lost. Ok, not always!
    Otherwise, this an awesome. I virtually replicated the words so I can read longer. πŸ˜‰

    1. Hahaha Moha, interesting… Thank you.

  7. j'rom

    my fingers are obssesd with the guitar hope 1 day i see those who will be longing for them ‘a real man is a helpless 1’ lol

  8. That’s not how I do it…

    1. Enygma wamma you you are good…

    1. meet the snitch, me πŸ˜‰

  9. Beating them off with a stick sometimes doesn’t work…I am looking at hiring a policedog at the very least. But then again, they could seduce and rape the poor thing!

    1. A groupie raping your police dog, now that’s quite a picture πŸ˜€

  10. A very entertaining but vulgarized way to decrypt the mystique of our sociological differences… Nice piece Ms Branch.

    1. Thank you Richard, but how is it vulgarized?

  11. HighRoller Olyv Telma

    So could I say my brother (dreadlocked) is needy?
    And then the sticks …,did it have to be plural? I think the one stick just will do for my hip hop n RnB/soul brothers.

    1. No, he is not needy. He just seems lost… hehehe which stick?

  12. “People in the media portray glamour, power, sex and money, not to mention free entrance to all these fancy events and the booze.” You forgot fame! We make and break celebrities beibe. of course at a price …

    1. Ahhhh mpozi omanja… Please make me πŸ™‚

  13. Bright Onapito

    quite a piece I should say. what else do you have up your sleeve?!

    1. Thank you Bright. Totally appreciate it. Anything up my sleeves? That would be quite inappropriate, don’t you think?

  14. Ptwino

    She is a lady I couldn’t have put it any better am thinking these always one of the above to attract us

    1. I am glad you agree πŸ™‚

  15. Julio

    Well Ms Branch, nice…
    But im not any of the above and well… couchie does comes my way.
    So how do the rest of us who aint famous, rasta or stuck up on an instrument of sorts (no pun intended) get…’some’ I wonder….

  16. That’s true Olive. You reminded me of a quote I had sometime in 2011 by a famous American preacher. He said that “a Holly man is not one who doesn’t get tempted, but one who is always a single ‘CHOICE’ away from falling” . The higher God promotes us in life, the brighter we shine; meaning we become an object of attraction within our communities. & because people are intrigued & attracted to excellence, they will want to associate with us but unfortunately because of a weak character we might use them for our self seeking motives like ( U knw πŸ™‚ !). That’s why the test of character defines those that leave a legacy, and those that shine for a while and disappear from everyone’s mind.

    Thanks for sharing my friend.

  17. muwado

    Time to get famous! Know anyone selling a guitar?

    1. Hehehe when you get it, let’s learn together…

Leave a Comment